Breastfeeding, Youtube and I
- Friday, 24 October 2014
It's a beautiful afternoon! I can feel the gentle breeze and hear the birds chirping. Of course, the breeze comes from the aircon machine. The birds chirping comes from the baby sound machine. I'm not complaining though. It's time for another long overdue post. Although let me warn you, this post could possibly bore you to tears.
All 27 years of my life, I never blinked my eye to read anything breastfeeding related. Today, it seems as if my life revolves all around it. I barely have time to plan a video for my main channel. I remember the first few weeks after the birth of Isaac. I was trying to fight with my current reality by trying to make things stay as if it did back then. Who was a kidding? No wonder I was stressed. I put the pressure on myself. Nobody else. Now 2 months on, I'm happy to say I don't feel as guilty anymore. Why? Because my baby needs me more. My son is 8 weeks old today. I cannot even believe he is 2 months old already. It's amazing how much he has grown and I have to say, I take pride on this because I DID THAT (Yey).
Happy 2 months, Isaac!
Here is one thing I learnt about breastfeeding. It's going to take you emotionally uphill and downhill. I can't even count all the times we struggled together. It's hard to imagine that something that's supposed to be natural could be so tricky at times. I learnt that a baby is born knowing how to suck but not latch. The mother and baby have to learn together. Along with the constant feeding, I was exhausted from spending 8-10 hours a day purely feeding him. I felt lost in identity. I wanted to film. I wanted to edit. I wanted to take a shower. I wanted to go outside.
Breastfeeding never really hurt for us and my milk supply was never a problem either so I'm so very thankful for these two reasons. However, I have to admit I didn't love breastfeeding at the beginning. I'd spend an hour feeding him and before I knew it, it was time to feed him again. There's been many times I cried to Tim.
"It takes forever to get him to latch properly. I don't have time and energy for this. I want to pump exclusively instead"
"Let's try to feed him formula so he will sleep longer"
Now fast forward 8 weeks. Thank goodness because I can say it does get a lot better. I'm still feeding him constantly throughout the day. We just survived another growth spurt together. Today, I looked at him and realised how much longer and rounder he got. He's healthy and happy. Nursing is serious business but it's all worth it.
Now I get lost in his little face while he's feeding. When he falls into a little milk coma after a feed, he would smile himself to sleep. When Tim helps with feeds (drinking expressed milk with the bottle), I would miss him and want to step in. I know I won't be able to hold him this way for long. I can feel him growing bigger and bigger by the day. I want to hold on to these moments dearly.
Isaac never sleeps more than 2.5 hours. I look at the mirror these days and I can see how the fatigue has influenced my appearance. My dark circles are the darkest it's ever been. All the breastfeeding sucks all the water from my body leaving my skin dull and dry. Any free time I get these days are spent catching up on chores, errands and spending time with the dogs. I just don't have the time to be beauty focused like before. I am waiting for the day he decides to sleep longer. Even 4 hours would be awesome ^__^ Bubble baths has become the highlight of my day. My biggest fear is that during a mid-poo, baby would cry. It's crazy how a little person can keep two adults on their toes for the entire day. My life has changed 360 degrees. It hasn't been easy but it's also when I realised how lucky I am.
I know I've been very slow on uploads on my beauty channel. I'm truly sorry... As much as it pains me to be so inactive, I will let the inspiration come to me instead rather than stressing about it. Please bear with me, guys =) I know I could just do vlogging and honestly, that is easy enough but no, I love my beauty channel. Posting vlogs daily is something that Tim and I wouldn't be able to do anyway. Plus, my main channel is very very dear to me. These few years, I've been very blessed to be able to reach out to beautiful girls out there. I've learnt so much from the beauty channel. When things settle down a little, I WILL make videos again with 100% effort.
For now, you can catch my little family and I more often on our vlog channel. I love you all and I miss you all. Please take care!
Love, your friend Bubz xx