Revealing the Truth from my Heart
- Thursday, 09 February 2012
Hello my beautiful friends,
So some of you actually requested for more painting videos. Here, is my most recent and final lesson (misty forest that is, tehehe) by Tim Gagnon. Before I continue, I want to stress that the painting I painted/learnt was completely thanks to the guidance of Tim Gagnon. He is the origional creator of this painting and I was simply attempting to paint this through his online painting lesson. So praise Tim because he should totally have the glory. He has all credits to this painting. Infact, after you guys check out this video - you should check out the original video he has on Youtube. It's absolutely STUNNING and it was what led me to take his online painting lessons. Yes, his version is 10000x better than mine lol but hey, I hope I didn't disappoint too much.
I really enjoyed doing the misty forest painting lessons. He taught me how to use colours in harmony and how to work with composition. If you guys check out his youtube channel (www.youtube.com/Gagnonstudio), you guys will be able to see the original painting. It's amazing!!! I highly recommend anybody to take his online painting lessons.
Nonetheless, here is the speed painting video:
Hopefully through these painting videos, you guys can see the other creative side of me. Sure I like playing with makeup, my hair and fashion but what's always had my heart was painting. I really didn't think I would be able to go back to feeling this way about painting again. I want to thank you all for your wonderful encouragement, constructive criticism and support. These videos also allow me to talk to you guys. In this video, I talked about money and happiness. I based it off a previous diary entry I wrote a little back then if you remember ^_^.
You guys stuck by me while I was a student turned bum turned mini entrepenuer. But I hope you guys know that I will always just be me. If I have changed, I really hope I changed for the better. Youtube has been such a great stepping stone that's given me a Tshirt range, my own makeup brushes and countless opportunities. Things I would never ever imagine myself being able to acheive. It was all new to me and suddenly, I was able to live off my own. Now, I'm sitting in a room of an apartment that I'm actually paying a mortgage to. This is huge for me and although I'm not exactly rich rich, I can live comfortably and I know I am very blessed. But I know Youtube is only going to be a short term thing. I know one day, it will all end and to be very honest with you guys - it did shake me a little. But I am making the best out of every moment and hopefully, I will be able to save up some money to branch off into future opportunties/businesses for the future. It may sound niave but I don't really think much about the future. I know I should but I'm learning to just take everyday as it comes. I just do the best I can right now and I know things will somehow work out. As long as I am willing to try and willing to learn - I know I'll be alright. Sometimes, I would wonder if I'm just being immature. I get business opportunities to expand myself but somehow I turn them down. I'm not trying to make myself sound righteous and 'innocent', don't get me wrong. I don't judge those who do sponsors because I would like my fellow youtube friends to expand too for more opportunties. I can't really explain why but maybe it's because your trust just means so so much to me. Don't get me wrong, I know that you guys probably wouldn't mind if I did take on projects because you are understanding. I don't know, maybe I am niave. I mean, I'm all for sharing information by great products but these days - the business proposals I get just seem so commercial and money hungry. But this is the real World and I don't have the right to blast at them. They are just doing their thing. It's something I'm figuring out for myself right now. Hopefully, I'll have answers for the future. For all you know, I am probably just thinking too much into it lol.
I believe everything happens for a reason and because of Youtube and everything that's happened throughout these years, I am now starting to believe I can go back to the dream I forgot about. I plan to go back to University and take an art degree in the future. I plan to live the rest of my life hopefully being able to inspire others. I'm not really sure how but I know doing this will give my life meaning. It's weird because I just want to go back to the simple joys in life now. I'm painting again, I'm doing reading and I'm taking up cooking. Maybe it's because I'm 25 now. I know Tim is the one and I can't wait to be Mrs Ng (Lol, I have no shame!!!). I know we're both working upon the same goal and I know that no matter what happens, I will still be the happiest girl in the World with him by my side. I cannot put in words how happy he makes me. No other person in this World understands more than Tim. In fact, he knows me more than I know myself. I wake up feeling so much joy in my heart because I still can't believe how blessed I am to have him in my life.
So yeah, I have worried about money. I only started to worry about money when I started earning it. Ironic right? Nobody likes to admit this but I felt insecure because automatically, you strive to want more. Somewhere deep in my heart, I thought I was better than others. I knew a lot of my university class mates were still unemployed. They weren't exactly nice to me so I always had this type of "haha in your face' attitude in my heart. I wouldn't show this and I certainly didn't talk about this but I felt this in my heart. I know it's something most people feel but honestly, it made me feel ugly! In fact, I thought less of myself after realising how arrogant I was and I was prepared to fix up my attitude. So through my journey of trying to manage money properly and learning to live humbly - I learnt that happiness doesn't come from money, fame or status.
Everyday I'm still learning and praying really helps to keep me on the ground. I know I talk about Christianity in my diary posts sometimes and it offends some of you out there. In fact, I know I am losing followers from it. To be honest, I have thought about keeping my faith to myself. But that would mean I'm ashamed of Jesus or that I'm embarassed. As Christians, we're supposed to shine the light. Not hide it. I'm not going to apologise for sharing my faith. If Jesus can die on the cross for me, then losing some followers and being criticised is nothing in comparison. I used to be one of those people who needed proof and evidence for a God. But I realised if we can define God, then we don't need a God. I stopped being arrogant and angry by trying to define how life should be. By believing, I've experiencing miracles and if you really want to see miracles happen- ask for Him to show you His Glory. I understand some of you out there will disagree and that's fine. Whatever's meant to be is meant to be. No matter what happens, I will still continue to shine the light. I could not be any happier to do this.
So moving back to the painting video, I'm so glad you guys appreciate my painting/inspirational videos. These types of videos are the videos I hope people learn from the most because they taught me the most. Feeling beautiful automatically makes life a lot more beautiful. I learnt to see myself more clearly after being able to see others in a better light. As I always say, I have a lot of flaws in my character but who doesn't? I think in life, we will constantly battle with ourselves but hopefully through each battle, we will overcome our selfish desires and grow a little wiser and stronger each time.
This ended up being a very long and emotional entry. I ended up telling you guys more than I was supposed to. Was just supposed to be a "Here is my latest painting video guys, goodbye" post lol but thank you so much for your support all these years. I want to thank those who gave me constructive criticism, those who encouraged me when I was weak and those who inspire me. Even to those who are constantly trying to tear me down, thank you for helping me grow a thicker layer of skin.
Good night World,
Much love, Bubz xx