Getting over a break up
- Friday, 12 August 2011
"Hey Bubz, I am struggling to get over my first heartbreak... I've tried forgetting him but everything reminds me of him, whenever we talk though we argue, yet he tells me he still has feelings for me. What should I do to keep my mind off him and keep me happy? Any advice? :)
Thank you x"- Anonymous.
*Big hugs* Getting over a break up is never easy but the first thing to remember is that you are not alone. Because it's the first time you are dealing with this, it can be confusing and frustrating. The next thing is to remind yourself why you two ended in the first place. Hopefully, this reason is good enough for you to come back to when you start to feel weak. If this relationship made you unhappy and cry a lot in the past- maybe this is a good thing. If you are really hoping to get over this heart break, I can offer some suggestions from my own experience. This is a time for you to finally concentrate and love yourself.
Usually after a break up, girls can feel very vulnerable and alone. You shouldn't do this alone so don't be afraid to let out your feelings by talking to a close friend or family member that you trust. Don't bottle up your feelings because you could end up only hurting yourself even more. Hopefully, you'll have somebody who understands to tell you their experiences and how they got through it.
When I was experiencing my break up with my ex boyfriend, I kept myself busy with my friends. Whether it's just catching a movie, shopping or brunch - it really helped to keep my mind off him. I realised how important friends really are and I felt stupid to almost ditch them for my ex. I let him control me in terms of who I should be friends with and what I should and should not do. I felt really foolish but at the same time, I was happy to finally be able to concentrate on myself again. It took me a long time to realise that him and I were so not meant to be. I was just young and clouded with emotions so I couldn't think for myself and since he was my first proper boyfriend, I didn't know how I should've managed the situation. Since we're on the topic of concentrating on yourself, I say you pamper yourself. Get a nice haircut and spoil yourself with a little retail therapy. A change in closet/hairstyle reflects a new you who is ready for change. Don't let your confidence fall, chin up and smile. It's not just about taking care of your confidence, remember to take care of your body. It's fine to indulge in your fav snacks but remember to look after your body well with a good intake of fresh fruit and vegetables. Remember, this is a time to love yourself more so don't malnutrition your body.
Now is also the time for you to do whatever you want. You can concentrate on what you want to do with your life or even pick up a new hobby. For me, painting always took my mind off the busy complicated world. Listening to my favourite song and eating my granny's homemade meals always uplifts my mood. Remember you still have family and friends to fall back on to. You will never be alone.
Don't blame yourself for the break up and remember that we shouldn't live for the past, we should live for the future. Be patient with yourself because your heart will heal through time and you will be stronger for your next relationship.
I don't want to comment on what you should do with your ex because I don't know him personally so in the end of the day, it's up to you whether you still want to keep contact with him or not. I know you probably still have feelings for him and vice versa. It's never easy to completely let go of feelings but best thing to do right now is to give each other plenty of space and time to reflect on each other and the relationship. It took a bad break up for me to realise what I truly want for myself. In that time, I finally grew comfortable in my own skin and worked out what I wanted in life and in a boyfriend. I became stronger and I knew my next boyfriend wouldn't not be somebody who would control and manipulate me. I realised I should love myself most. Remember, family and friends can help to guide you but only you can really help yourself. I trust you will know what's good for you because sweetheart, you deserve to be happy. Never for a second believe you are too weak to overcome a problem that is too big for you. In time, everything will become clear again.
As Tim says, "After a storm, a rainbow always appears".
Good luck sweetie, let me know how it goes yeah?